Our night in Patong proved to be very entertaining. Starting with pre-drinks at our (air-conditioned and very comfortable - why would we want to leave that?) hotel, we wandered into town about 9pm. The streets were packed with tourists and locals alike - old couples on their way home after expensive seafood dinners, young men prowling in groups, local girls all dolled up, and the inevitable ping pong show touts.
After a bit of research - you can't be hasty with these things - we chose a show ("free show, just buy one drink, 500 baht a drink") and were taken behind a red velvet curtain into what was essentially a strip club. Young girls - barely 18 - in the tiniest G-string bikinis gyrating rather unconvincingly against poles, moving one place to the left after each bad song. Tourists lined the walls drinking their exorbitantly priced Changs (us included), waiting with baited breath for the good shit to happen. The good shit must have been at least 30 and at a mother at least twice. First she burst balloons with a blow pipe and arrows inserted into her va-jay-jay. Then there were the ping pong balls - one up, one down, bounce it around, squat and balance it on a beer bottle. Next, how about we whack a whole ball of tape up there, and unravel it around the dancing poles. And - what's that smell? Is that fish? Yep - squirt out a couple of livies, efficiently inserted backstage. Then, the piece de resistance, a live canary, in and out like a very live train at a train station.
This whole process just kept repeating, with intervals for full frontal nudity, lesbian action, and (possibly) a very flexible lady boy. Half the fun was guessing which ladies were boys - Thais don't have the biggest boobs, and a bit of duct tape can hide anything. We stayed for about an hour, feeling pervy and intrigued.
The nightlife of the streets was pumping - tiny bars brimming with tourists and locals, blaring bad music onto the street and offering all kinds of drinks deals. We got two cocktails for about $4 and played Connect-Four - yep - against a very bored and talented bartender. Games for the customers in.
We walked the streets, glad we were together so no prostitutes solicited us. Ladies and ladybos of the night were everywhere, made up and dressed for the role. Among them, a pregnant woman in an oversized T-shirt trying to get people to go to ping pong shows. We hoped she wasn't the talent.
We got more food and watched the drunks stumble past. It was very entertaining night.
Oh, and before all this, we got on TV! Walking down to the beach, we eyed off a camera crew until they stopped and interviewed us, asking questions about our fears of natural disasters - tsunamis and earthquakes - and political disturbances and terrorism. Being the responsible tourists we are, we praised the facilities, police presence and safety we felt in Thailand. It seemed to be for some tourists show or ads, as they presented us with police pamphlets and got photos shaking hands with the big, burly Austrian volunteer tourist police.
The next day we caught a 2pm ferry to Ko Phi Phi, about an hour and a half east of Phuket town. The village was destroyed in the 2004 Tsunami, so everything had been rebuilt, and was beautiful. Paved lanes - no cars or scooters - market stalls, restaurants, coffee shops, and lots of guesthouses at exorbitant prices. We got the cheapest we could find - $20 a night with fan and shower. Thankfully it was a big out of the town and away from the noise and lights . There was construction everywhere, bags of cement waiting to be mixed (by hand) and probably poured to make more guesthouses. The beach was packed with taxi boats to other islands, private charter speed boats, and ferries for snorkelling tours. We watched the sunset over the limestone (according to Lonely Planet) mountains and swam in the low tide - up to our knees about 50m out. It was relaxing after Patong, not as many people. Had pizza for dinner at a restaurant on the beach (poor Phill was starving - it took 30 minutes) and went home. Feeling a bit ill, I stayed home and Phill went to watch the nightly fire show on the beach.
On Monday morning, we explored the island. There's about 150m between bays and beaches across the mainland, so it's easy to see how fucked up it would get in a tsunami. We walked up the easterly mountain, following the Tsunami Evacuation Route (just to familiarise ourselves). The views were spectacular, especially the young Swiss man in his Speedos. The water sparkling blue and the sand white...and oddly enough, the trees were green. The Swiss man was really brown.
Climbing down, we partook in the blues waters and read - in the shade. The amount of potential skin cancer is abhorent - young Scandinavians in the midday sun, with bikinis on - not even hats! The afternoon we went on a sunset snorkelling trip. Saw Monkey Beach - lots of cheeky monkeys; Viking Cave, and the island Ko Phi Phi Lay, a marine park, uninhabited except for the dozens of tour boats making daily trips. We kayaked and snorkelled in a pretty amazing bay - lots of different fish and coral and spiky things Phill was scared of (not being able to float and all). We swam and walked through a rock tunnel - very dangerous - and ended up at The Beach - made famous by the movie of the same name. For such an isolated beach, it was packed full of tourists. We took the obligatory photos and swam in the warm water, and found a cock-shaped rock. Back on the boat, we were fed a pretty amazing red curry as the sun set and dolphins frolicked and fat English brothers tried to communicate with their Thai girlfriends. That night, we sat on the beach drinking vodka and beer, hoping (lamely) to meet other travelling couples doing the same thing. But apparently those that come to Phi Phi have the money to spend at the myriad bars and restaurants. We prowled the streets, being all yoof-like, and caught a Thai cabaret show at a nightclub - lady boys in sequins and tuele lip-synching to Tina Turner and Beyonce. Still unsure why, but we were denied the free vodka buckets we were promised on the flyer for enduring the cabaret - which the bartender promptly threw out when we showed him. Annoyed, we walked home through town that seemed deserted for a place full of young backpackers - maybe all their scuba diving and sunbaking exhausted them.
Tuesday, another exhausting travel day. Two hours by ferry to Krabi, four hours in a mini van to Hat Yai, then nine hours overnight in an overly air-conditioned bus in to Kuala Lumpur. Malaysian customs was easy - the lad only commented to Phill "Oh, you cut all your hair off!"
We arrived at KL at 4am, a very seedy time of night. Luckily, lots of hotels were still open and the lovely man at Red Dragon hostel let us check in at 5am for the enxt night, for $14 a night. Sept off the bus trip til 11am, got a feed and started walking. Got lost, and came home for some serious Facebooking (five weeks of photos - you're welcome) and blogging. We met Mirjam and Parth for dinner - Mirjam is a friend of Phill's German friend Denise. They both study in a town about 2o mins from KL, and like to come to town to get away from their conservative college - no drinking, no common rooms, gates locked at midnight. It was very interesting to talk to them about Malaysia and how conservative it is - Parthe had not drunk alcohol for three months, since leaving India. Beer is expensive and Muslims don't drink. Had some great curry for dinner and saw the Petronas Twin Towers lit up at night.
Today we got up early - 7am - and caught the very clean, efficient, cheap and easy to use subway, to KLC and the Twin Towers. After an hour wait, we were given free tickets and subjected to the most patriotic and Petronas-loving 3d media show (glasses and all). The we got to go to the Skybridge, 41 floors up, as seen in the film Entrapment. The view was ok. Caught the train again to Merdeka Square, a parade ground and popular stop for tour buses- that's it' unfortunately. On the way back to our hostel we were fined for jay-walking. We tried to talk our way out of it - we were tired from a long walk and didn't want to climb up the overhead walkway; everyone else was doing it (everyone else also got fined); we were tourists and didn't know; there were no signs (we saw the signs after). We bargained with them (that's right - bargaining with police officers) and they said as we were tourists they would only fine one of us, 30ringits, about $10. Thing is, we budgeted for our stay in KL, only had enough for taxi and bus to the airport tomorrow, and food. We had 20 ringits in my wallet, so they accepted that. Still felt very ripped off.
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